In the depth of my mind

"Personal growth doesn't happen without thoughtful reflection.  Take time to re-evaluate and prioritize the things that matter"    ~~Alex and Ani

It's been a month since I have written...WOW!! An entire month.  This blog definitely gets neglected quite a bit, but sometimes I am just not in the mood to write about my nail polish, makeup, or subscription services.

 

Since we have entered November, I have begun to take a look back at the past 12 months.  Since this is my birthday month, I sort of use that as my New Year as opposed to the traditional January 1st that most use.  I had several goals for my 31st year.  Some of which I kept, some of which-- well, not so much!!  I aim to do better and BE better.


RUNNING & EXERCISE
I started running about mid July.  October was sort of a slacker month for me in the area of running, and as this colder weather sets in, I am looking for ways to be more creative with fitting that running in.  I am also looking to incorporate other ways of fitness into my daily lifestyle.  I enjoy workout videos so plan on doing many more of these to help me focus on things other than just the cardio from a running workout.  When I started running in July, I despised it.  Just the thought of going out there for a run made my stomach hurt and the excuses started flooding my brain.  I can honestly say that I look forward to my runs now.  That time when I am alone with my thoughts, challenging myself, encouraging myself -- it's quite the experience.  And the feeling I get when I am done running, after I have caught my breath and no longer feel like I am going to throw up haha, is exhilarating.  I feel like I have just conquered the world.  It never matters to me how long it took me to run a certain distance. Right now I am just more focused on actually getting out there and getting it done.  From July to now, I have done at least 1 5K (3.1miles) a month and in September I did 3.  I hope to continue with that into the New Year.  By March/April of 2015, I am hoping to be able to increase to 10K (6.2 miles) with the ultimate goal of doing a half marathon(13.1miles) by 2016.  I am confident that I can do this, but know that there is still so much more work to be done.  I need to do more research in the area of exercise and what sorts of exercise is good for what.

I am also taking a hip hop class at Madison and Mayci's dance school, Morlock School of Dance!  ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS CLASS.  I have NO rhythm, but for some reason, the teachers of this class, make me feel like I am releasing my inner Beyoncé every time we have class:) :)- Madison, however, is always quick to remind me of my lack of talent though.
I am not sure when I last posted my weight on this blog, but it has gone up quite a bit more than I would like to admit, with a weight loss of 6 pounds thrown in the mix that I think I have packed back on.  I am currently at 154.3 pounds, a size 10 in jeans(L in other style pants), a M/L in shirts depending on the style and am super grateful that the larger tops and tunic style tops are in style due to my not so flat belly.  I think even when the world thinks they are not the popular fashion item anymore, I will forever be a fan!  My ultimate goal of 128 is always in the back of my mind and I am continuously trying to regain the discipline to make the moves necessary to drop the weight. 

EATING
On July 20, 2014, I became a vegetarian.  Huge step for me because I love me some chicken and bacon.  BUT-- It is something that I had been thinking of on and off for the past 15 years or so since high school, and just this year I finally felt like I was ready to make the change.  And for someone like me, who already SUCKS at cooking and coming up with recipes, it was a hard change.  But now, 3 months in, I am confident and doing well.  The first month I still wanted to eat chicken and the smell of bacon tempted me, but not so much anymore.  I do eat eggs and I drink milk -- but I have been slowly doing research on being a vegan and possibly going gluten free.  Damian thinks his body doesn't react that great with gluten, so we could both benefit from some dietary changes.  A friend and I are planning on some get togethers to come up with some vegetarian recipes-- and if we come up with some really good ones, I will be sure to share!

Discipline with eating has always been a hard thing for me and my ever present sweet tooth.  I have the toughest time saying no to sweet and "junk" food so I am always looking for healthier alternatives.  Note*** I said healthier, but I didn't say that I would NEVER eat the "junk" food ever again***  Everything in  moderation.  I think I need to learn how to control myself better when it comes to food and then the choices that I make will slowly improve.  I am also going to be working on cutting out soda and juices from diet this upcoming year.  I don't drink them often and because I sometimes go the whole day and only drink 1 cup of coffee--- I do need to increase my water intake tremendously.

SELF LOVE

HUGE topic for me.  Loving myself.  Everyone needs to love themselves more. No, that doesn't mean walking around, building yourself up and putting others down.  It does mean having confidence and knowing and believing that you are worth something.  Now, please don't get me wrong.  I don't walk around thinking I am an ultimate failure everyday.  I tend to beat myself up often though and every time I am unsuccessful at something I attribute it to the fact that I am not good at anything and don't deserve to have good things happen to me.  This lack of self love is what causes me to not care about my appearance, to not want to try harder to run/ workout, to not care about my eating habits day after day after day. How toxic is this to our lives?  How sad is it that I have let it get so bad that I because I don't love myself the way I should, I allow others to treat me the same way that I treat myself.  NO MORE!  Now at almost 32 it is time for me to take a stand.  No, I don't have a lot of talents. No, I'm not the prettiest. No, I am not the smartest. No, I am not the most patient. Yes, I flip out and melt down more than I should. No, I don't keep the cleanest house or am the most organized.  But-- do these things really lower my worth? Do they make me less of a person? ABSOLUTELY NOT!  And now as I actually accept these things, I am finding it easier to love myself.  And in loving myself, I WANT to look nice, take care of myself, smile more, do things for me, stop comparing myself to others, and start really BEING me. 

The problem is that when I start being the person that I really feel that I am-- some of my friends and people that love and care about me, may not like it 100%.  People get used to you and as they start to get closer to you, they feel they know you more than you know yourselves and this is definitely true in my life. Sometimes I feel like my friends DO know me better than I know myself. Then I realized that they only know what I show them and tell them.  How can they know me if I feel like I don't even know myself.  This is going to be my year of realization and I am confident that I am going to love myself and that the people in my circle will love me also! 

MARRIAGE

To be candid, Damian and I have had a rough year-- well, more like a rough couple of years.  Things haven't been as great as I would have hoped 7 years into our marriage and 11 years into our relationship.  We have put in the time, but I know I am lacking on the effort portion.  I have goal of renewing my vows in 2017 for our 10th wedding anniversary.  I also know that in order to get there and be able to do that, I have work to do.  I am quick to shut down and walk away when things don't go my way. I am the worlds biggest hot head(too bad there isn't a reward for that) and can be very hurtful when I explode or am angry.  I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want Damian to feel like he needs to walk on eggshells around me for fear that I may "flip out" on him.  I don't want my husband to not WANT to spend time with me or not care of we can't spend time together.  What I want is for my kids to look at our relationship as an example of what they want their future relationship to be like. I want my husband to miss me when we are apart.

 I want Damian to be so proud to have me as a wife, he will look for any excuse to "show me off." I want a marriage that is pure, happy, and FUN.  I am working this year to take my marriage off the back burner and treat my husband in the same way that I expect to be treated ... with love, kindness, patience, and understanding!

I am hoping to post more consistently on this blog updates in regards to my progress in all of the above areas... If any one out there has any pieces of advice for me-- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share them with me...

Here's to a good 32nd year for me!!!

In all things there is beauty~~~

 

~~~~xoxxo  Michelle

 

Manicure Monday 9/29/2014

HAPPY MONDAY BEAUTIFULS~~~~

Still into the darker nail this week!!  And really want to rock one of my favorite colors--- Navy Blue!!  I will be going to a wedding on Friday so this week's nail color will probably only make it to Thursday.  I think I will keep my nails bare for the wedding and over the weekend.  They could use a couple days break anyway.

 

 



The colors I chose for this week are Sinful Colors in "RainStorm" and Essie's "Stroke of Brilliance".  Nothing fancy this week.  All my nails are the same color and Just a tiny little glitter tip on my ring finger and a portion of my thumb.  This color by Sinful Colors, is one of my favorites.  It only requires 1 coat and it's super creamy.  I of course covered the nails with my Out the Door top coat and my Nicole by OPI Drying Drops.

I would love to see what you have on your nails this week....



WHAT I USED:
   
     Sinful Colors RainStorm
     Essie  Stroke of Brilliance



MY REGULARS:
    

Out the Door Top Coat by INM - this is my HOLY GRAIL top coat..  You can even by a larger size so it will last longer!

ORLY Bonder base coat
Nicole by OPI Drying Drops

 

 

And don't forget, when you are buying things online-- use  EBATES!!

 

 

Join me on ipsy and subscribe to the Glam Bag! You get 4-5 beauty products every month delivered to your door, for just $10. Michelle Phan curates the bags! Check it out here: IPSY

 

 

 

**This page does contain affiliate links.**

In all things there is beauty~~

 

xoxoxoxo Michelle

Thought Provoking Thursday



How true is the above quote!?!?!  I love this!!  As someone who has struggled with my self image since before I can remember and now someone who is completely addicted to all kinds of makeup-- I still relish in those moments when I wake up and take a look at myself in the mirror sans makeup..and......get this------------------------ ACTUALLY LIKE WHAT I SEE!!!

That feeling is so powerful!  It gives us the ability to see not only the outer beauty that we possess, but those inner most beautiful souls that encompass who we are.  In fact-- so many people focus on this outward beauty that they forget what's really important-- who we are as a person. 

I long to be confident.  To walk with my head up with a sense of pride without being cocky.  To rise in the morning and not be afraid to answer the door with my bare blemished skin.  What a joy that would be.  In the same breath-- I also need to learn to not let this inability to do the above things affect my happiness or better yet DEFINE my happiness.

Our happiness needs to come from within.  It sounds so cliché, yet is so true if we take the time to focus and learn about the things that make us happy.

Here is to starting over! Finding happiness! Learning to love ourselves and who we are in our "rawness".

I'm wishing everyone a HAPPY THURSDAY!!

Manicure Monday - 9/22/2014

I am so loving dark colors on my nails!!  I have never really thought that I was ever "on trend" with the whole certain nail colors during certain times of year.... and I still sometimes don't follow the "rules."  But right now, with fall only 1 official day away-- I am so for the darker colors.  Unfortunately.. because I can't ever just paint my nails with just 1 color, I had to throw some lighter colors in the mix.  I also don't know why I keep thinking I am some nail artist and keep doing random dots and stuff on my nails.  I need to just stay focused and  try to paint my nails neatly and not all over my cuticles hahaha

I used 3 colors on my nails this time around.  Essie's Little Brown Dress, Essie's Show Me the Ring, and Finger Paints' Blank Canvas Cream. 

I have only used the brown color one other time and really didn't like it.  I am actually not a huge fan of Essie nail polish.  Sometimes they wow me, other times I cannot stand them.  I feel like the first time I used this particular color, I was not a fan.

It seems though-- the more I paint my own nails, the  more I am learning of ways to make a not so great formula look halfway decent. Thank goodness for acetone and an eyeliner brush to help me clean up all the mistakes and messes I make!!

The 3 chosen colors for this week!!

"Show me the Ring" by Essie--- definitely a 3 coat nail polish-- I only used 2, but could definitely have used a 3rd to make this color truly opaque.

Uh oh-- did you catch how I was trying to be all fancy with my dotting tool?  HAHAHA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PRODUCTS MENTIONED:

 

Essie- Show Me The Ring

Essie-  Little Brown Dress

Finger Paints - Blank Canvas Cream

 

MY REGULARS:

Out the Door Top Coat by INM - this is my HOLY GRAIL top coat..  You can even by a larger size so it will last longer!

ORLY Bonder base coat

 

 

And don't forget, when you are buying things online-- use  EBATES!!

 

 

**This page does contain affiliate links.

 

 

 

 



Manicure Monday 7/21/2014

Couldn't really decide what color/colors I wanted to use on my nails this week.. so I made it easy!  I used ALL 4 colors that I had my eye on.  3 repeats, 1 new!!

Really liking this Rimmel polish in Purple Rain--  Opaque in 2 coats, very creamy

This Funky Fingers polish is actually one that I really enjoy, I didn't think that I would want to use it often, but I find myself looking at it quite often when it's time to sit and paint my nails.  I think it's because I like the many different colors in one polish!!

 

 

 

 

 



My LOVE!!  I adore this Sally Hansen polish in the 420 Pacific Blue- THE ORIGINAL FORMULA!!

 

 

 

Don't forget to let me know what you are wearing on your nails this week!!

 

ITEMS USED:

 

---Rimmel Salon Pro Nail Enamel in Purple Rain - also found at CVS; Walgreens

---Sally Hansen #420 Pacific Blue- hard to find in the original formula now, but look at places like, CVS, Target, Walmart, WalGreens, Rite-Aid, and only-- original formula bottle as a thick "X" in Xtreme

---ULTA nail polish in Encore Pink - found at ULTA

---Funky Fingers in JawBreaker - found at Five Below for $2 and online (sometimes)

 

REGULARLY USED:

--- ORLY Bonder basecoat

---INM Out the Door topcoat

--- Nicole by OPI drying drops

*** Join me on ipsy and subscribe to the Glam Bag! You get 4-5 beauty products every month delivered to your door, for just $10. Michelle Phan curates the bags! Check it out here:      http://www.ipsy.com/r/1i48

 

*** Don't forget when you are shopping online, that you should go through Ebates.  Its a quick and easy way to earn cash back for your online purchases!  Check I out here: http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=ZAoYp5D3jH%2FpeFiAOBbXzQ%3D%3D%26eeid=26471


***** this post may contain affiliate links *****

 

 



Manicure Monday - 7/14/14

 

Was really feeling like painting my nails a milky pink color...but if course I couldn't just have one color on my nails, so I added a nude and just a hint of gold!!

The pink color from ULTA looks way more milky in this picture than it is in real life-- I actually like the color in the picture a little bit more than in person

 

 

 

     

 

I sort of thought that I was a hard core manicurist and got out the dotting tool that I had been staring at for months.....  UMMM-- it didn't matter how many tutorials I tried to watch, my dots just would not come out the same size.  HAHA!  That's okay though-- I am going to rock my DIY design like it's the best thing known to man.

 

THINGS USED:

 

L'Oreal - Never Lacque-ing #415

Sinful Colors - Flirting Nails #808 - can be found at Rite Aid, Walgreens, Christmas Tree Shops

ULTA - Encore Pink  **this happens to be on sale right now**

Dotting tool

CVS - 100% Acetone nail polish remover
Eyeliner brush - any kind with sort of stiff bristles to use with the acetone to help clean up around cuticles

 

AND MY REGULARS:

Out the Door Top Coat by INM - this is my HOLY GRAIL top coat..  You can even by a larger size so it will last longer!

ORLY Bonder base coat

 

 

 Don't forget to let me know what colors you have been wearing!

 

In all things there is beauty

 

~xoxoxo Michelle 

 

 

*** Join me on ipsy and subscribe to the Glam Bag! You get 4-5 beauty products every month delivered to your door, for just $10. Michelle Phan curates the bags! Check it out here:      http://www.ipsy.com/r/1i48

 

*** Don't forget when you are shopping online, that you should go through Ebates.  Its a quick and easy way to earn cash back for your online purchases!  Check I out here: http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=ZAoYp5D3jH%2FpeFiAOBbXzQ%3D%3D%26eeid=26471


***** this post may contain affiliate links *****

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Manicure Monday

This weeks nail color is about as simple as it comes--- YELLOW!!  I figured what better what to kick off the official summertime than with a color that represents the Sun.

This week I used Sally Hansen's Mellow Yellow nail polish.  This is the Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear formula. BUT BE CAREFUL--  Sally Hansen is in the process of changing the formula for some of their Hard As Nails, Xtreme Wear colors and this is one of them.  The original formula is creamy and opaque and glides on.  I haven't been hearing many good things on the new formula, but since I have yet to try it, I won't bash it yet!!

Here are a couple of pics showing my "always imperfect -do it myself because I am cheap" manicure, and yes I did clean up more around my cuticles, but I normally do that the next morning gin the shower:

Besides the annoying shadow, I like this pic best because it shows the color in natural light

So what do you have on your nails this week??

In all things there is beauty

~~~ Michelle xoxoxo

June IPSY bag

Ipsy is a beauty subscription bag that costs $10 a month.  You take a quiz to help Ipsy fill your bag with the products that they think you will enjoy the most and you receive 4-5 deluxe sample and/or full size products to enjoy and can earn points for more products or use special coupon codes to purchase these items.  I have been a member of Ipsy since February 2013.

I received my June IPSY bag this week.  The theme for this month's bag was Pretty in Paradise.  After last month's bag, I figured any bag had to better than that..and boy was I right.  I am actually super excited to start trying out these products.

This month's bag also caught my attention.  It is a Rebecca Minkoff for Ipsy bag.  Extremely cute, and since Rebecca Minkoff is known for her expensive taste and supreme quality, I have high expectations for the many uses this bag will serve for me in the future.

1. NYX butter gloss in Eclair- http://www.nyxcosmetics.com/p-191-butter-gloss.aspx    $5.00

This was a full size product.  Already one that I know that I will love as I already own one of these in my ever growing lip product collection.  I do not have this peachy pink color and cannot wait to try it out in this upcoming week.

2. Eau de parfum REALTREE for her - http://www.realtreebeauty.com/?1  $24.00

Received a sample of this perfume. The actual amount is not listed on the sample bottle unfortunately The full size product is 3.4 fl oz.  The scent is one that I like, but may be a little heavy for some during the summer months.  I tend to like the heavier scents and am actually planning on using this sample right away.  The REALTREE website describes the scent as, 

"Realtree for Her opens up with the sweet taste of pomegranate, a hint of persimmon and an exotic scent of orchids. It blends with lotus blossom and champaca flower and it’s followed by the rich scent of amber, the transient scent of violets and the depth of mahogany wood."

I'm thinking it's the mahogany wood and amber that give it that sort of "deep" smell.  

3. Nicka K Shimmer eyeliner in Blue - http://www.nicka.com/navigation-menu/eye/eyeliner/liquid/shimmer-eyeliner   $4.99

I received a full size of this product.  It is a liquid eyeliner that is could be described as a "foil" liner.  I swatched it on my hand, and am already impressed.  It is extremely pigmented and the brush allows for you to draw any width line that you are interested in.  It also dried quickly and stayed on my hand for the remainder of the day.  I can't wait to give this a try!

4. ORFA eyebrow pencil in UNIVERSAL - http://ofracosmetics.com/absolutebrowpencil.aspx  $13.00

Another full size product.  I have been experimenting quite a bit with my eyebrows.  I have only found a couple of pencils that truly match my eyebrows enough to make me feel comfortable.  Here's hoping that this "universal" color will be a match.

5. Carol's Daughter SACRED TIARE (anti-breakage & anti-frizz) styling cream - http://www.carolsdaughter.com/Sacred-Tiare-Styling-Cream.html?BCID=48BE04CAEDC0  $12.00

The sample I received is 0.5 oz...full size is 3.0.  This item is listed on the Carol's Daughter website as exclusively sold at Target, but I did find it available online through the Ipsy website on on various places like amazon, ebay, etc.  Seeing as how I have just recently started wearing my hair in it's natural state, I am very curious as to how this will work.  I haven't done much research on these products, but plan on giving this a try to combat some of my natural frizz.

This month's Ipsy bag has a retail value of $58.99.  Not bad since I only paid $10 dollars!! Lots of items that I am eager to try!!  Be on the lookout for a review in the upcoming weeks!!

In all things there is beauty, 

~~Michelle xoxoxox

Join me on ipsy and subscribe to the Glam Bag! You get 4-5 beauty products every month delivered to your door, for just $10. Michelle Phan curates the bags! Check it out here: http://www.ipsy.com/r/1i48

**This page does contain affiliate links.  Please note that by using the ipsy link above, I do receive points if you choose to sign up.  Do not feel obligated to use the above link.  You can always go to Ipsy and sign up on your own!!