"Personal growth doesn't happen without thoughtful reflection. Take time to re-evaluate and prioritize the things that matter" ~~Alex and Ani
It's been a month since I have written...WOW!! An entire month. This blog definitely gets neglected quite a bit, but sometimes I am just not in the mood to write about my nail polish, makeup, or subscription services.
Since we have entered November, I have begun to take a look back at the past 12 months. Since this is my birthday month, I sort of use that as my New Year as opposed to the traditional January 1st that most use. I had several goals for my 31st year. Some of which I kept, some of which-- well, not so much!! I aim to do better and BE better.RUNNING & EXERCISE
I started running about mid July. October was sort of a slacker month for me in the area of running, and as this colder weather sets in, I am looking for ways to be more creative with fitting that running in. I am also looking to incorporate other ways of fitness into my daily lifestyle. I enjoy workout videos so plan on doing many more of these to help me focus on things other than just the cardio from a running workout. When I started running in July, I despised it. Just the thought of going out there for a run made my stomach hurt and the excuses started flooding my brain. I can honestly say that I look forward to my runs now. That time when I am alone with my thoughts, challenging myself, encouraging myself -- it's quite the experience. And the feeling I get when I am done running, after I have caught my breath and no longer feel like I am going to throw up haha, is exhilarating. I feel like I have just conquered the world. It never matters to me how long it took me to run a certain distance. Right now I am just more focused on actually getting out there and getting it done. From July to now, I have done at least 1 5K (3.1miles) a month and in September I did 3. I hope to continue with that into the New Year. By March/April of 2015, I am hoping to be able to increase to 10K (6.2 miles) with the ultimate goal of doing a half marathon(13.1miles) by 2016. I am confident that I can do this, but know that there is still so much more work to be done. I need to do more research in the area of exercise and what sorts of exercise is good for what.
I am also taking a hip hop class at Madison and Mayci's dance school, Morlock School of Dance! ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS CLASS. I have NO rhythm, but for some reason, the teachers of this class, make me feel like I am releasing my inner Beyoncé every time we have class:) :)- Madison, however, is always quick to remind me of my lack of talent though.
I am not sure when I last posted my weight on this blog, but it has gone up quite a bit more than I would like to admit, with a weight loss of 6 pounds thrown in the mix that I think I have packed back on. I am currently at 154.3 pounds, a size 10 in jeans(L in other style pants), a M/L in shirts depending on the style and am super grateful that the larger tops and tunic style tops are in style due to my not so flat belly. I think even when the world thinks they are not the popular fashion item anymore, I will forever be a fan! My ultimate goal of 128 is always in the back of my mind and I am continuously trying to regain the discipline to make the moves necessary to drop the weight.
EATING
On July 20, 2014, I became a vegetarian. Huge step for me because I love me some chicken and bacon. BUT-- It is something that I had been thinking of on and off for the past 15 years or so since high school, and just this year I finally felt like I was ready to make the change. And for someone like me, who already SUCKS at cooking and coming up with recipes, it was a hard change. But now, 3 months in, I am confident and doing well. The first month I still wanted to eat chicken and the smell of bacon tempted me, but not so much anymore. I do eat eggs and I drink milk -- but I have been slowly doing research on being a vegan and possibly going gluten free. Damian thinks his body doesn't react that great with gluten, so we could both benefit from some dietary changes. A friend and I are planning on some get togethers to come up with some vegetarian recipes-- and if we come up with some really good ones, I will be sure to share!
Discipline with eating has always been a hard thing for me and my ever present sweet tooth. I have the toughest time saying no to sweet and "junk" food so I am always looking for healthier alternatives. Note*** I said healthier, but I didn't say that I would NEVER eat the "junk" food ever again*** Everything in moderation. I think I need to learn how to control myself better when it comes to food and then the choices that I make will slowly improve. I am also going to be working on cutting out soda and juices from diet this upcoming year. I don't drink them often and because I sometimes go the whole day and only drink 1 cup of coffee--- I do need to increase my water intake tremendously.
SELF LOVE
HUGE topic for me. Loving myself. Everyone needs to love themselves more. No, that doesn't mean walking around, building yourself up and putting others down. It does mean having confidence and knowing and believing that you are worth something. Now, please don't get me wrong. I don't walk around thinking I am an ultimate failure everyday. I tend to beat myself up often though and every time I am unsuccessful at something I attribute it to the fact that I am not good at anything and don't deserve to have good things happen to me. This lack of self love is what causes me to not care about my appearance, to not want to try harder to run/ workout, to not care about my eating habits day after day after day. How toxic is this to our lives? How sad is it that I have let it get so bad that I because I don't love myself the way I should, I allow others to treat me the same way that I treat myself. NO MORE! Now at almost 32 it is time for me to take a stand. No, I don't have a lot of talents. No, I'm not the prettiest. No, I am not the smartest. No, I am not the most patient. Yes, I flip out and melt down more than I should. No, I don't keep the cleanest house or am the most organized. But-- do these things really lower my worth? Do they make me less of a person? ABSOLUTELY NOT! And now as I actually accept these things, I am finding it easier to love myself. And in loving myself, I WANT to look nice, take care of myself, smile more, do things for me, stop comparing myself to others, and start really BEING me.
The problem is that when I start being the person that I really feel that I am-- some of my friends and people that love and care about me, may not like it 100%. People get used to you and as they start to get closer to you, they feel they know you more than you know yourselves and this is definitely true in my life. Sometimes I feel like my friends DO know me better than I know myself. Then I realized that they only know what I show them and tell them. How can they know me if I feel like I don't even know myself. This is going to be my year of realization and I am confident that I am going to love myself and that the people in my circle will love me also!
MARRIAGE
To be candid, Damian and I have had a rough year-- well, more like a rough couple of years. Things haven't been as great as I would have hoped 7 years into our marriage and 11 years into our relationship. We have put in the time, but I know I am lacking on the effort portion. I have goal of renewing my vows in 2017 for our 10th wedding anniversary. I also know that in order to get there and be able to do that, I have work to do. I am quick to shut down and walk away when things don't go my way. I am the worlds biggest hot head(too bad there isn't a reward for that) and can be very hurtful when I explode or am angry. I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want Damian to feel like he needs to walk on eggshells around me for fear that I may "flip out" on him. I don't want my husband to not WANT to spend time with me or not care of we can't spend time together. What I want is for my kids to look at our relationship as an example of what they want their future relationship to be like. I want my husband to miss me when we are apart.
I want Damian to be so proud to have me as a wife, he will look for any excuse to "show me off." I want a marriage that is pure, happy, and FUN. I am working this year to take my marriage off the back burner and treat my husband in the same way that I expect to be treated ... with love, kindness, patience, and understanding!
I am hoping to post more consistently on this blog updates in regards to my progress in all of the above areas... If any one out there has any pieces of advice for me-- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share them with me...
Here's to a good 32nd year for me!!!
In all things there is beauty~~~
~~~~xoxxo Michelle
Real life tears. Sounds like you have a lot of things already figured out and you just have to implement them. I love you Michelle. I think you are a beautiful person and A wonderful mother. I admire the way you solve problems with your children. You always know what to say to them and even my children. When I come to you with issues, you always are objective and say the right things. Even Allison will say, "Ask Michelle what she thinks b/c she's so rational." Even though you have your own struggles within yourself, it's clear to me that you are wonderful at helping others. You prolly should utilize that. Working on your weight goals takes effort and finding what works for you. I personally can't go into a gym alone and focus and some ppl need it like that. I love taking classes b/c my trainer will motivate and push me. You should really consider coming to a class. There are all different types of ppl and sizes and everyone is at their own level. No judgement zone. My trainer is awesome! One class is free. As far as you and Damian, I don't know anyone with a perfect relationship. Every one has ups and downs, some worse than others and maybe that is b/c ppl don't communicate properly and there is a lot of pride issues. It takes effort from both you and Damian. So put forth your effort and I'm sure once Damian sees you doing so, he will put forth the same b/c he is a great guy. =) Good luck and never give up! Love you so much!
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